Features > Old Dirty Movie Review
by Addison DeWitt
(posted May, 2007)
Starring: Shawn Michaels, Jim Bentley, Rick Donovan, Jon King, Matt Ramsey, Dane Ford, Sherri Ann Lyons, Brandon Wilde, David Ashfield … and a host of others. Directed by: Phillip St. John.
How cheesy was 1985?
That was the year that we all started selling out,
and doing obscene things with our hair. Maybe it was Ronald Regan’s
fault, or maybe it was just the last gasp of 70’s hedonism
filtered through a cocaine haze.
For those of you who were not there (or were too coked out to recall),
let me inform you; the top television programs were “Dallas”,
“Dynasty”, and “Who’s the Boss” (all
three programs featuring wealthy women who wore more padding on
their shoulders than the entire NFL). The top songs of the year
included, “We Built This City” by Starship (a once mighty
counter-culture band, now distilled to one original member and reduced
to churning out sugar coated pap), “Walkin’ On Sunshine”
by Katrina and the Waves (dear god, this horrid tune was everywhere
that year!), and of course, “We Are the World” (where
the rich and famous got together to sing a cloying saccharine number
allegedly to assist the starving in Africa).
Yes, everywhere you looked in ’85 the cheese factor was as high as the hairdos. From fashion to music, from food to retail; everything was big and bright, but without any real substance.
Sensing that the party was going into overdrive and about to derail, porn director, Phillip St. John, that year, unleashed, “Getting It”, one of the hottest films ever; a movie so sex drenched, so amoral, and so in tune with those times it is somewhat overwhelming.
“Getting It” takes place in Southern California’s San Fernando Valley of sin where All American boy, Randy (Jim Bentley) is tortured nightly by imaginings of half naked men standing around in a room with poor lighting and fog machines as well as haunted house sound effects. As Randy wanders this nocturnal dreamscape he stumbles upon the object of his obsession, his roommate, Kurt, (the impossibly handsome, Shawn Michaels). As Randy falls to his knees in front of his hunky dream-lover, licking his lips in anticipation of sucking Kurt’s cock, he suddenly wakes up only to find Kurt sitting on his bed reminding him of the party the two of them are supposed to be attending later that night.
You see, Kurt and Randy are supposed to be straight roommates. This is established as they talk about their absent girlfriends. Of course, the fact that they dress in soccer shorts that are seemingly a size too small and half shirts that reveal their trim, flat, hairless bellies seems lost on the boys.
Later on as Kurt and Randy are driving to the party, the credits roll and one of the greatest theme songs to a porn film ever is played, replete with an electronic drum machine and other pop music staples of the time, the song, “Everyone’s Getting It” is so bad, it’s good (“You can feel it burning all day, you can feel it burning all night…everyone’s getting it…”). It sounds just like the “Charles in Charge” theme song.
The boys stop in to a gas station to pick up some beer and they bump into a couple of friends, who as fate would have it, are also going to the same party (there must have been some kind of dress code for this party, because the two other guys are dressed in skin-tight shorts and half shirts) As the foursome departs the convenience store, they walk back to their cars and Randy spots a woman using a pay phone and says, “Wow there is that hot English girl, Debbie.”
Enter Debbie, the token chick in a gay porn flick (who was this girl’s agent?) who is working her 80’s Madonna coif. Debbie is played by Sherri Ann Lyons, a rather gawky young lady doing an awful British accent. For some reason, Kurt agrees to drive her home and the other three guys make mention that the couple will probably have sex…because after all, they are straight guys…yeah, wink nudge.
Eventually Randy and the other guys go to a van and light up a bowl of “awesome smoke” and faster than you can say “Refer Madness” any pretext of these guys being straight falls faster than their tight shorts around their ankles.
A pretty damn hot three way occurs in the van, with Bentley directing the carnal goings on. Soon, the guys forget about sucking on the bong and begin sucking on each other’s cocks.
No doubt about it, this an exciting and compelling sex scene with the three blond men eagerly devouring each other like Sunset Blvd. hookers in overdrive
It’s just another night in The Valley.
Randy finally gets a ride to the party and when he
enters the house he finds the den is filled with gorgeous Southern
California types all dressed in (guess what?), shorts and half shirts,
though to be fair a few of the guys are wearing leather pants or
jeans. As some faux new wave music pulsates in the background we
discover that Randy and the others are part of some team (though
we never discover exactly what the sport is -- soccer, baseball,
curling?). Conversation turns to the whereabouts of the host, Skip,
and as the guys are trying to figure out where he is -- we discover
him in his bedroom being attacked by his friend.
Poor Skip seems reticent about getting fucked by his buddy, Reed,
but though he protests, he eventually gives in as soon as Reed tears
off Skip’s pants, spits on his crack and shoves his cock in.
Soon, protest turns to proclamations of desire and lust, and the
guys go at flip-flopping sexual positions until finally Skip is
topping Reed to a satisfying orgasm.
Back at the party in the living room, Rick Donovan (he of the horse cock and vapid look in the eye) and the beautiful Leo Ford pair off and go outside and engage in a little hanky panky. We don’t stay long with these two because so much else is going on…for instance, we discover Kurt taking what has to be the longest piss ever committed to film (go ahead and time it, this guy must have drank a few gallons of something earlier) while he is being spied on by another guy (don’t people shut the door when they use the bathroom?). Anyway, when the voyeur makes himself known and tries to come on to him, Kurt lifts him up into the air and threatens him. He proclaims that he’s straight and “not into guys”…so of course he takes the stranger into another room and proceeds to fuck his brains out (because nothing say’s “I’m straight” like engaging in anal sex with another guy).
We move on again and discover a major gangbang going on behind the house where a line of horny guys are cued up to take advantage of Jon King’s ass one by one. A beautiful California-type boy steps up to the plate and takes his turn at King’s bubble butt. This is probably the film’s most erotic scene in that it captures the subjects in what appears to be a state of unbridled hormonal overdrive, the guys are practically knocking each other out of the way to get their turn…it’s so 80’s, I mean weren’t we told that “greed was good” during that time?
Unfortunately, this is the one scene that suffers from an extremely homophobic turn of events; it is obvious that voiceovers were added to this part of the film and while I was never one not to enjoy verbal escapades when in a state of coital bliss, I do take exception to the use of the word “faggot” as in, “Come on you filthy faggot, you know you want it.” Sadly, this term is used over and over in the gangbang scene and for this reviewer it is a major turn off.
After the gangbang, we make our way to an orgy going on by the pool where dozens of guys are going at each other and here is where “Getting It” hits it out of the park. Nothing is wasted. It’s just pure beautiful sex of every variety going on, a seemingly endless parade of erotica all beautifully filmed and acted out by a bevy of some of the most gorgeous men ever seen.
Towards the end of the orgy, Kurt finds himself topping some guy and when he turns to his side he sees (surprise!) his buddy Randy doing the same thing. The guys lock eyes and smile; it’s the stuff that wet dreams are made of.
Speaking of dreams, as soon as the poolside scene ends, we are back in Kurt’s nightmare from the start of the film only now he manages to reach Randy and the two of them engage in a kiss until finally we come back to reality and the two are actually in each other’s arms in bed. This final scene is the real deal, Bentley and Michaels achieve that rarely seen bit in a porn film -- they seem to be enjoying having sex with each other!
The guys are a couple of animals in bed and this is the scene that you’ll probably come back to over and over again watching these two run the gamut of sexual expression until finally they collapse in each other’s arms sated and seemingly in love. Oddly though, for some reason, the film ends with a return to the nightmare and the horror movie sound effects…I wonder what the filmmaker was telling us?
Finally, “Getting It” is much more than a run-of-the-mill fuck film. It is a document of a time in which the sexual revolution was just about coming to an end thanks to the specter of AIDS that was just around the corner waiting to take its toll (you won’t see a condom anywhere in sight in this movie), it is a celebration of that old mantra, “If it feels good, do it!” Drug use, drinking, and anonymous as well as indiscriminate sex abound, and nobody seems to care about anything except where the next orgasm or high is coming from. And yet, in spite of all of this, the film is ultimately about finding true love…or as close to true love as any of us got in that cheesy year of 1985.
Comments, suggestions, compliments, criticism? You can write to Addison at support@cruisingforsex.com.
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