Features > Old Dirty Movie Review
by Addison DeWitt
(posted August, 2007)
Starring: Jack Wrangler, Giuseppe Welsh, George Payne and Anna Freed. Directed by: Frances Ellie.
1954’s classic film, The Caine Mutiny, told the tale of a deeply disturbed United States Naval Officer (played by Humphrey Bogart) and his obsession with some missing strawberries. Bogart received his last Oscar nomination for his role as fruit obsessed, Lt. Cmdr. Philip Francis Queeg, and the film itself was nominated for six other Oscars, firmly establishing itself as an American cinema classic.
Improbably enough, a sequel of sorts to The Caine Mutiny can be found in the 1981 porn film, Navy Blue.
Directed by Frances Ellie, Navy Blue opens with a ship pulling into harbor in New York City during Christmas week, while an on-ship announcement is made: “The SS Caine has been out to sea for almost nine months. Unfortunately, due to the mutiny that occurred only two sailors, Jack Whiting [Jack Wrangler – the blond haired, blue eyed God of 70’s gay porn] and George Edwards [Giuseppe Welsh – a dark eyed, bearded, perfectly coifed disco stud muffin] are being granted leave…they found the missing strawberries.”
Needless to say, if you don’t know the story behind the original film, the joke might be lost.
What
follows is probably one of the more endearing, humorous, daring,
and ultimately, heartbreaking pieces of erotic cinema, gay or straight.
It turns out that our two Seamen are smitten with each other but are afraid to admit their heart’s desires. When they first hit dry land Wrangler’s Whiting says that he can’t wait to find some “pussy” while Welsh’s Edwards claims that he’s got a girlfriend waiting for him. Pushing sexual yearnings aside, the boys hit the Big Apple and in the second homage to another movie, Navy Blue becomes On The Town with the sailors seeing the sights of New York City (circa 1980)…all that’s missing is Gene Kelly and a big musical number.
Eventually the boys go their separate ways and as Jack strolls midtown, through voice over, we discover that he is madly in love with his buddy. He stops in front of a store all decked out for Christmas and imagines his object of desire as a present to himself.
Shot like an old Sassoon Jeans ad, Jack’s fantasy features Welsh, complete with a red ribbon and bow tied around his waist, by a Christmas tree festooned with lights -- disco music plays and Jack slowly unwraps his present, falls to his knees and starts sucking his buddy’s dick; but the fantasy ends quickly and Jack goes on his way.
Meanwhile, on the other end of town, Welsh is bemoaning the same thing. He’s in love with Jack but he can’t let him know he’s gay (don’t ask, don’t tell), and as he walks along pining for his lover boy he bumps into a Salvation Army Santa Claus who propositions him.
Well, quicker than you could sing the second verse of “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer”, George and Santa are back at Santa’s pad and are doing the nasty.
Under the costume, Santa is a hot guy who keeps his red hat on while sucking Welsh’s dick. As the men go at each other, “Sleigh Ride” plays in the background, making the scene both campy as well as highly erotic…then, as the action gets more intense, and Welsh throw’s Santa’s legs up in the air and proceeds to fuck the daylights out of him, the soundtrack changes to “The Carol of the Bells”!
And then when Santa cums, he reaches for his bell and begins ringing it wildly!
I promise you’ll be laughing in spite of your hard-on during this moment!
After this we find ourselves on Broadway where a young man standing in front of the statue of George M. Cohen is handing out some kind of flyers to passersby, one man takes the flyer, looks at it and then punches the young man. A few minutes later, a woman takes a flyer, looks at it and slaps the young man in the face. At this point Jack approaches and takes the flyer and looks at it; it reads, “Flying Cocksuckers”.
Soon Jack is in a helicopter flying over Gotham and in one of the most bizarre sex scenes ever, gets a blowjob from the young man while the pilot of the chopper mentions points of interest on the ground below. Talk about your Mile High Club! It’s a dizzy affair but Jack reciprocates and sucks the young guy off and soon both of the guys are shooting their loads while the copter flies over the Statue of Liberty.
Back on the ground Jack finds his way to George’s apartment, walks in and finds his buddy screwing a woman.
Anna Freed plays the nameless woman and she sucks cock as well, if not better, than any man ever seen in a gay porn flick.
Stunned over this turn of events, Jack leaves the apartment and walks dejectedly through the streets of New York, and once more, through voice over, we hear him questioning his relationship with George.
Back at George’s the screwing continues with Welsh eating out Freed’s pussy and then mounting her for a pretty respectable hetero-fuck. Freed is actually a gorgeous woman with long black hair and a beautiful body -- still though, this might come as a shock to gay men who don’t usually see straight sex in their porn films. What the heck, I thought it was pretty hot all things considered.
When Freed and Welsh are through we find out what’s really going on. He hands the woman a wad of cash and asks, “Do you think he saw us?” Freed says that he did. And then she asks him why he wanted his friend to see them together and Welsh states that he does not want his friend to know that he’s gay.
Here the hooker with a heart of gold states the obvious when she says, “Oh Christ, just tell him you love him!” Amen, sister!
Deciding that he has to tell his friend the truth, Jack returns to the apartment and finds Welsh waiting for him alone.
The both say that they have something to tell the other and then we fade out and back in to a soft focus kiss as Wrangler and Welsh proceed to engage in the most erotic lovemaking ever committed to film.
In what is yet another homage to yet another film, 10, the men begin a slow, sexy, seductive coupling scored to Ravel's “Bolero”.
There is much kissing, and touching and eye contact in this scene that clocks in at over fifteen minutes in length and the viewer might be hypnotized by the sheer beauty of the entire movement -- make no mistake, this is sex, but it’s beautiful, sensual sex…sex with a heart as well as a hard-on.
As the music of “Bolero” builds in intensity, so does the action, kissing is replaced by nipple play, which is followed by body worship, which is replaced by mutual cock sucking, which is followed by fucking…when Welsh mounts Wrangler the look on Wrangler’s face is one of sheer pleasure matched only by the look on the dark top man’s face.
As Welsh pushes himself further into him, Wrangler reaches up and caresses his partner’s body, pleading for more, begging for more…and then when Welsh leans forward to kiss Wrangler the men wrap their arms around each other as if they were desperate not to be separated ever…
When Wrangler gets down on all fours and Welsh takes
him from behind, he strains to turn his head to see the man fucking
him…and then when both men are on their knees and Welsh is
kissing his partner’s neck, his hands grabbing at Wranglers
nipples, until Wrangler cries out in ecstasy shooting his load followed
by Welsh doing the same; one can be sure that one has just witnessed
love-making as opposed to just fucking.
If this scene does not do it for you, you might not have a soul.
After the love-making has ended, the boys are back at the dock and are about to board their ship when Jack is told that he’s been reassigned.
He argues with his superior over this but is told that orders are orders.
As he is led away, he turns to look at his lover who stands, heartbroken, on the dock. One last close up of Welsh’s dark soulful eyes fill the screen until it fades to black.
Wow, I can not recommend this film enough. That a skin flick can work on so many levels and be able to draw on so many diverse emotions is something to be celebrated. Something Navy Blue does with flying colors.
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A quick gay porn history note here: Jack Wrangler, in my humble opinion, was probably one of the greatest of the early gay porn actors ever. Born into a legitimate showbiz family, Jack (born John Stillman) got his first big break appearing in a weekly religious television drama called, Faith of our Fathers, when he was just a boy. He attended Northwestern where he studied acting and did legitimate stage work and modeling before he turned to porn in the 70’s. Wrangler has done over eighty films and before he retired from the industry did some straight porn (he claims that he lost his virginity to a woman for the first time on screen).
For lovers of irony: Jack Wrangler’s character in Navy Blue is named Jack Whiting. In 1987, Wrangler married 40’s singer, Margaret Whiting.
Whiting first met Wrangler at one of his live shows, she was twenty some years his senior, but pursued him nonetheless. When he told her that he was gay, she reportedly said, “Only around the edges, dear.”
Today Jack and Margaret are still married and he works producing musical theatre.
Comments, suggestions, compliments, criticism? You can write to Addison at support@cruisingforsex.com.
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