by Cab Lad
After several years of extensive research this intrepid traveler is now ready to share with public sex hounds the most closely guarded secrets of a shadowy sexual underworld: the late night lusts of long distance lorry drivers. Just what delights are in store for you with the manly drivers of those ninety ton freight trucks that scare you shitless when they appear unexpectedly in the rear-view mirrow and sound the horns of hell to tell you to move the fuck over? Read on...
"The men you're going to have most success with are the ones sleeping over. After all, they're unwinding, they have the time, and they've usually got most of their kit off already."
Sadly, my research has so far been limited to a handful of night stopping areas along England's green and pleasant motorway and 'A' road networks, so maybe the wild generalizations I make below are not so true in the undoubtedly cruisier USA. But hey, men are men wherever they are.
What You Will and Will Not Find
A liking for sex with lorry drivers means a liking for men over forty. Bronzed young gods and cute twinkies do not generally drive overnight stopping lorries. Nor do men with huge dicks, manly furry chests, exotic sexual tastes, or any of the other wank fantasies you see in the 'Wanted' section of the contact ads. What you get is the man next door, or the father of the man next door. Ordinary blokes, with wives, kids and mortgages. You also get no sexual politics, no bullshit, no attitude, and no condoms (bring your own).
Where and When to Find It
You want the kind of long laybys on major roads, where a slip road peels off the carriageway, disappears behind some trees and bushes for a few hundred yards, and then rejoins the main carriageway. Good bets are those which have a phone box (good excuse for cruising up and down to make phone calls), even better are those which have a toilet and facilities block, best of all are those where other hunters are cruising anyway. OK, so you can try cruising lorries parked up elsewhere - in lorry parks for example. But the cruising to scoring ratio is pretty heavy on the cruising side, and it's only really worth it if you want a challenge or if you're desperate.
The men you're going to have most success with are the ones sleeping over. After all, they're unwinding, they have the time, and they've usually got most of their kit off already. You might get a quick fumble with a guy just stopping off for a short break, but the tacho's ticking and his mind just won't be on the job. Best time is around ten-thirty to eleven-thirty at night. Most drivers are away by six a.m. or so and the non-interested ones will have their curtains drawn and the lights off by ten. Those looking for a bit of despunking before turning in hang on an hour or so to wait for the camp followers to show up.
Summer nights are good: the windows are open, their clothing is minimal, there's a sultry mood in the air. You can also go out cruising in shorts, singlet and sneakers which makes for quicker reclothing in sticky situations. Don't forget pockets for keys and condoms. On the other hand, cold winter nights provide drivers with a good excuse to ask you into the cab 'just for a moment' to get out of the cold. You win both ways.
We all wish otherwise, but sad to say, not all lorry drivers are looking for a good time, so how do you know who is? They'll be the ones with the cab curtains drawn three fourths of the way round, sitting on the passenger seat with the window half way down and looking out through the curtain opening (obviously a lot depends on how they were able to park in the first place, of course). They'll generally be away from any lit areas. The cab light may be on or off, or the night light may be on. In summer, and even in winter, they may well have their shirt off (it gets hot in them cabs). Some of the bigger cabs have cute little floor level windows in the doors, which you can get an advance view through. If you see bare legs and a wide open crotch you're probably on to a winner. Mind you, I once watched a guy wanking off furiously over a porno mag through one of these windows until he realized someone was watching and quickly switched the light off.
Standard cruising techniques apply. Lorry drivers generally don't hang around the cottage if there is one, but sit in the cab and wait to be approached. Cruise past a few times, catch his eye and try and make an on the spot decision about whether he's a psycho or not (see 'Risks' below). If he's waiting to catch your eye next time past you've probably scored. Clichéd conversational gambits - 'it's cold / hot / busy / quiet tonight', 'do you want / have you got a light', etc. - are all you need. You have to speak first. In England you add 'mate' to the end of the first few remarks you address to him, followed by 'innit?' for a question. In due course you will be asked if you want to 'come up for a minute' and you're home. Only once have I had to knock on a cab window and coyly ask if the driver wanted 'some company'. He'd been peeping through the curtains like crazy, opening and shutting them, sitting on his bunk in his underpants on display, then hiding away. Finally he lay on the bunk with his nose to the passenger window. He was a nice guy in the finish, but it turned out he was new at cab sex and didn't know the rules. Occasionally you get the completely silent come-on. You cruise past a darkened cab a few times, and then on your next pass the door opens a crack, which is your invitation. These encounters generally mean no talking. Cab sex is usually pretty quick, but the quickest I've ever had was a cab door opening, a rock hard dick being shoved in my face when I leant in, a thirty second blow job (he blew a big load), and the door closing again as I leaned back to catch my breath.
Stub out any cigarettes before entering the cab. Even if the driver is smoking, don't take one in. First, you have to find the ashtray with the lights off and the curtains closed (you close the passenger door curtain after you've got in; he will probably switch the light off at the same time if it's on). Second, you may start talking and lose the moment. One time I sat talking and smoking with a guy for a good twenty minutes getting less and less horny by the minute. Luckily he finally said, 'So are you here for the sex or what?' and we got on with it.
How to Have Sex
Always remember that lorry drivers are not gay. Nor are they bisexual. Do not use these words whatever you think privately. They are 'blokes' who sometimes like to 'mess around', 'fool around', or 'have a bit of fun' with other 'blokes'. Remember that you are not gay either, nor are you bisexual. You may be as camp as the Christmas fairy and have been gagging for a driver's dick all day, but you were just driving around and stopped for a rest / to see what was going on / to have a smoke. If asked, you've sometimes messed around with other blokes. Bragging of sluttishness is not a good idea. Generally though you're not asked.
In pursuing lorry drivers you are following a lonely calling. Even in the cruisiest laybys you should have little or no competition. Gym-toned twinks will turn up their noses at fat dicks proffered to them directly from open cab doors. So if you're not fussy (I'm not) you get whatever's on offer. The best I've managed is three in quick succession in the same layby while a bunch of choosy queens slunk backwards and forwards along the path all night, ignoring each other in case Mister Perfect turned up. I can count on one dick the times I've been turned down on looks alone.
The great attraction of lorry drivers (I can speak only for myself) is not knowing how to be gay - freshness, directness, naiveté; sometimes you even get a bloke for what seems to be his very first time (the guy who called out 'help me! help me!' while I was wanking him turned out afterwards to have no idea of whether he should touch me, what he should do, etc.; at the time I just thought this was what he said when he was going to have an orgasm). Not knowing how to have man-to-man sex can also be a problem though. Here are some tips: no matter how butch, manly and daddy-ish drivers are in your fevered imagination, in practice they are generally as timid as kittens. Even if they know what to do, they generally won't let on in case you think they do this sort of thing often. You have to do all the work - touch them first because they won't touch you, undress them sometimes, suck them, fuck them sometimes, provide the condoms and lube, jack yourself off after they've come, decide when to leave. Usually they provide the towel (or a roll of toilet paper) to mop up afterwards, so you don't have to worry about that. Coming on the sleeping bag is not a good idea.
Sex is mostly on the bunk behind the seats and is cramped. Forget athletics and only 69 if asked - the risk of trapping your leg or getting cramp is high (you have to move round - they lie back). I have given the most amazing blow job though to a guy who leaned against the dash with his pants down while I sat in the seat. He was hard as steel and big, with a good fat head. Unfortunately he refused to come (not common, but it happens sometimes; more to do with some personal line drawing over infidelity or not really being queer I think, rather than holding on for the next one) but I had fifteen minutes of very juicy slurping, with him murmuring 'suck that fuckin dick, you sex slave' and other endearments before he finally pulled back.
Most body parts are a no-no. Straight men don't have tits and they certainly don't have nipples. Most of them will let you brush against these nonexistent parts occasionally, but tweaking and massage may get you more or less gently slapped down. Personally I get off on stroking hairy bellies, balls and inner thighs, which doesn't seem to be a problem. To kiss or not to kiss? If you want to and get as far as lying on top of him, face to face, try nuzzling his neck, then his cheek and see how it goes. A diversion is called for here. After long experience I've decided there are two types of drivers: the horny and the lonely. The horny are generally hard when you get in the cab and want you to suck or wank them. The lonely are generally soft when you get in the cab. They are often divorced or separated and want someone to touch them and hold them. They may also want to kiss (usually not very well - be prepared for lots of teeth clashing and no tongues). Both can provide rewarding experiences, depending on your mood. Unfortunately, the hard-soft rule is not infallible, and it's generally best to assume horny unless told otherwise.
The dick is the main thing. Wank it, suck it, fondle it. You don't need to tell them it's big unless you really want to, but admiring the hardness goes down well, so to speak. Some men like to wank themselves towards the end (true of all men, not just lorry drivers - in the end, you know best how to get yourself off) and you can watch or help, while wanking yourself. You may get wanked or sucked yourself, and sometimes it's worth asking or offering because they may not like to ask. Strangely, and contrary to all fantasy, I've never met a driver who wanted to fuck me, though I wouldn't say no and I have sometimes suggested it. Some do want you to fuck them, though they hold a touching heterosexual belief that face to face is the best way. As they're generally older and fatter (than me, anyway) getting their legs in the air for this is generally not easy and it's not usually the most rewarding experience. The only guy who spontaneously turned over onto his stomach to be fucked was also the only guy who asked me afterwards about local bars and nightclubs, indicating some familiarity with things gay. I've never tried any other position, even if space in the cab permitted. I get the feeling that anything other than missionary position - for example, him sitting on you - would count as 'kinky' and not the sort of thing they should be doing. The ones who want to be fucked, but can't bring themselves to ask, will try and get the message across by putting your dick between their legs and lifting their hips to give you better access. Remember, you have to provide the condoms. For the ones who don't want to be fucked the arse falls into the same category as tits and nipples. As with all sex with strangers, establishing what you do and don't want is often the subject of a going nowhere conversational mumble: 'What do you like?', 'Well, most things really - what about you?' 'Yeah, well, most things'. The non-fuckees will usually add 'but I don't want you to, you know, put it up my arse or anything'.
Risks and Disappointments
Apart from police activity, psychotic local queerbashing youth, and the odd catch of crabs, there aren't that many risks (safer sex is assumed - set your own limits because they may not be very clued up). I've met one or two rather odd drivers and some sad and lonely ones, but none who've turned nasty. Always a good idea to make sure you know where the door handle and lock are when you get in though, and to keep whichever item of clothing has your car keys in it within easy reach. Occasionally you have some competition from professionals (male and female). I once cruised a lit cab with occasionally tweaking curtains for ages. When I finally heard the door open I sauntered over only to bump into an amply busomed female climbing out and adjusting her short short skirt. You win some, you lose some.
You may sometimes think the guy's worth seeing again, but don't get your hopes up. I had an arrangement with one driver that he'd call me if he was passing through and I'd pick him up from a non-cruisy layby and take him home, returning him afterwards. But after a while he only wanted to talk about his wife and kids. Most drivers will refuse to come anywhere with you and leave the lorry. Partly because they're often liable for the contents and it could be a scam. If you meet the same guy twice, it's usually best not to mention it.
Most drivers don't want any other drivers to know what they're doing, so you can spend some frustrating times reassuring them that the other guys walking by are there for the same thing, or waiting with them for the light in the next cab to go off.
Great, raw sex - worth all the hassles. Occasionally, some interesting stories.
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