by Mickey Skee
First, there's my dick. Of course, there's your dick, too, but through the course of these stories, I'll be talking about my dick a lot, so I thought you should get to know it.
I've made a real tough, self-revelatory decision about my dick, and you. I may be exposing myself more than any other writer ever has, you see. Some of the stories in these pages are actually completely and totally true, every word of it, and some of it is a bit exaggerated of course.
But, one thing I decided I will not exaggerate about is my penis. That will be described in these pages with total accuracy. Why? Why in these days of cyber-enhanced "my dick is a real-10" bullshit should I reveal all? Why should I tell the truth when I write reviews for a profession where the standard formula is: Lop off years from your age and add it to your cock size? Well, simply, I'm not lucky enough to pack a nine-inch monster, or even an eight inch. And I know, and you know, that most guys really never are as big as they advertise they are, or brag they are. What I've found is that all guys wish they were bigger -- even the genuine 10 inchers I know personally -- and that guys are more obsessed with their dicks than anyone really knows. I think it's obnoxious that most erotic fiction stories in the adult bookstores and magazines are about guys who talk about their huge foot-long snakes in their pants. Oh yeah? If their appendages are really that big then why are they sitting around writing about it?
So, I decided I'm not ever going to lie about mine. I'm going to tell you all about my penis and describe it to you in the fullest detail than I think any penis has ever been described. That way, you'll know me as intimately as you ever can, and we can then have fun together.
"So, I decided I'm not ever going to lie about mine. I'm going to tell you all about my penis and describe it to you in the fullest detail than I think any penis has ever been described."
Let's talk about size. You know that every guy looks at other dicks every chance they get. Yes, even straight guys do. They check each other out in the showers, in the steam room, and standing at the urinals. You've seen it. They want to see how it hangs on others, how it looks limp, and imagine how much bigger it gets when it's hard. Everyone wonders: do I rank? Do I rate like the others. Sometimes I see guys so big that I just want to shrivel up and disappear. Sometimes I rank pretty well and I'm proud of what I'm sporting. Sometimes I'm just one of the guys.
I have what I call a "two-hander." That's when you can hold your dick at the base near the balls put one hand over the other along the length of the shaft and still have head of the cock poking out. I've known a few four-handers intimately, some of them are described in great detail in the following diary entries.
Now, there're the measurements. Guys like to measure their dicks, and some of the guys in porn swear that they've never taken a ruler to their appendages, but I don't believe them. If I had impressive meat like some of them, I'd be measuring it plenty.
But how do you measure a dick? I'll explain how some guys measure theirs and why some guys claim they're super-huge and are only partly lying because of the way they measure their privates.
OK, let me pull out mine. It's OK, you can pull yours out, too. I've been half-hard in my pants anyway while typing away here talking about all this cock. All right, come along with me. I have my Big Daddy Ferguson's Length & Diameter Pleasure Meter from the publisher of Gay Chicago Magazine, which is a loose wrap-around tape measure, but you can do just the same. Simply cut a long strip of paper out and mark inches by the quarter-inch on one side of the strip. Now, you can use that to measure along with me.
I'm part Polish and part Dutch and I know that thick pieces of sausage hang well in my family, so I've seen with my uncut cousins overseas. When I'm limp, I look big. I have a hairy reddish brown bush with a few wisps of blonde hair around my balls. When my dick hangs totally limp, I'm 4 3/4 inches from the top, looking down at my dick measuring from base of the bush to the tip. From the underside of the penis, which is how some guys measure it, from the pee slit to the middle of the thin skin where your balls connect is 5 3/8 inches when totally relaxed and limp. I know, it's hard to get your cock soft to measure it, but think of something sad -- like a limp dick.
My balls are low-hangers. One time while a fellow porn magazine editor and I were climbing through a window of another porn magazine editor's house, my privates slipped out of my shorts through my pant legs -- by the way, I never wear underwear -- and I quickly tucked it all back in, but not before he marveled at my low-hanging ball sac. My balls hang 3 3/4 inches when it's not cold. I've tried to measure a testicle in that loose sack of skin and mine are about 2 1/2 inch long each. The skin is so loose I can pull my balls all the way up to the head of my dick, even when it's erect. I don't know how many guys can do that, or even if it's a special thing, it's not something I ever asked any of the guys.
Now that I'm examining it closely, I think I have a nice dick. I love when it protrudes down one side of a pant leg and how it sometimes pokes out the end of my really tight shorts. I know how to make it look bigger from my porn star pals who showed me how to shave my balls and shave the cock to the base and just a little beyond. The stalk of the dick looks less bushy and a great deal bigger when you find yourself with that awkward semi-stiffness when taking a shower in front of other guys, or when you are standing at a urinal and you pull it all the way out instead of hiding it behind your zipper. When you're out on the town, I suggest you wear a cockring around the base of your penis and maybe one around the ball sacs so that the protrusion is more pronounced whether you're wearing jeans, a tuxedo or Spandex. I'm sure that I have a reputation for having a bigger cock than I really do, just because I know the crotch-watchers who have marveled at my cockring-enhanced meat under my clothes. And, even guys who've been with me, like the guys mentioned in the following stories, perhaps may think I'm downplaying my actual size when they read these dimensions. I'm not bragging, it's just that I know some of the tricks of the trade to looking bigger than you are. They're occupational secrets.
OK, so let's get it hard now. I like to smack it lightly in my other hand until it gets somewhat hard and then I roll it between my palms and tickle it under the sensitive mushroom head. Sometimes I like it very wet and slick with lube or spit, but I can't tonight while I'm typing. My fingers are sticky enough as it is. Yeah, that's another true confession, I ooze a lot of pre-cum and guys have called me "juicy." Anyway, I'm working on a rough dry rub right now, rolling around and spreading some of that pre-cum ooze on the underside of my head. When you get it good and stiff, get ahold of your piece of paper with the other hand.
Start with the top -- your view of your cock. Just look down and put the bottom of the paper at the base of your penis. You know where the base is, just where the fold of skin links your protrusion to your torso. Don't fudge by stretching your dick out with that extra skin you have down there. I promised I wouldn't lie, after all. Besides, it's just us.
From my pee-slit to the base of my cock is 6 7/8 inches. Damnit, I'd love to say I was a full seven inches, but I never have been from that angle. Who knows, maybe when I really got it red and stiff for some guy it became that magic seven incher, but heck, those are the times I'm not thinking about pulling out a tape measure, you know what I mean?
Now, from the underside, from slit to mid-balls, I'm a 7 3/4-incher. Now that sounds impressive, huh? Well, I think that's how some guys measure it. Or, they measure it from the side view. Like this: stand up and measure your erection from the tip to the base of your balls from the side like that. Wow, right? I'm 8 3/4 inches that way. I'll bet you're a stud from that view, too.
And lay down, take your measurer and size up your hard-on from tip to the base of your balls from the underside. That makes me 9 1/2 inches! The problem is, this is measuring stuff that you'll never be able to stuff into anyone. I prefer to stick to reality and measure from the top side.
Everyone's cockhead is different, I have a cut mushroom head with a slightly upturned lip that runs the length of the hood. It goes to a nice sharp V underneath the hole opening and turns a lot redder than the rest of my shaft when I'm hard. Looking down, measuring the head across the widest spot, it's 2 1/4 inches across. Looking top view, from the tip down the length of the head to the crown (where the shaft begins) I'm 1 7/8 inches. From the slit to the underside bottom of the crown is almost a full inch. I've seen my head turn a bright purple when it's super hard, or in a penis pump. My head is fat, and measures 5 1/2 inches around, but the true perspective of fatness is diameter, which is more difficult to measure.
Here's how you measure diameter. On the other side of the measuring tape, take these dimensions. Across from the 3 1/4 mark put 1 inch, across from the 4 3/4 put 1 1/2 inch, at 6 1/4 put 2 and at 8 put 2 1/2. That approximately corresponds to Big Daddy's tape measure.
Still hard? Measure around the head of the crown of your hard-on. I'm 1 3/4 inches in diameter. Now let's work our way down the shaft. The smallest part of my penis, or should I say the thinnest, is 1 1/2 diameter which is about 4 3/4 inches around and that's just underneath the crown of my penis where the shaft begins.
My actual shaft from the top view is five inches from the bottom of the crown to the base of the stalk. Yours, like mine, probably is thicker near the base. The diameter of my cock is a full two inches measuring at the base before where the balls fall. That's 6 1/4 inches around. I'm even thicker when measuring the diameter behind the balls -- just pull them up and work your tape measure around the cock at the base of your penis. I'm 7 1/2 inches around there and 2 3/8 inches thick.
Let's see, what else can I tell you about my most private possession? There's a huge blue vein snaking across the top of my dick from the right side and on the left side there's a tree-like vein that splits off in three different directions pumping blood into my muscle. When I was a horny adolescent I used to force my stiffy into an empty toilet paper roll tube and pull the tip out the end of it and see how long I could stay hard in that confining cardboard tube. I also used to have a huge horseshoe shaped magnet that I hung on the end of my dick and would do push-ups to make my dick harder.
I can touch my bellybutton with the tip of my now oozing hard-on, and with some discomfort I can yank it around and stuff the head of my dick into my butt. I already told you I could grab my dick with both of my hands and yank on it with the red bulbous head still showing and I love doing that -- stroking myself with both of my hands -- when I'm showing off or when I want to entice someone over to feel me, too.
I've always been aware of my dick, and that's why I don't like wearing underwear. I enjoy the sensation of rubbing it against all kinds of cloth, and getting a hard-on in the most unexpected places. It gets embarrassing every once in awhile, like when I'm getting a raging boner while in the dentist chair, or when I played clarinet in the school band and had to wear a kilt, or in my Armani tux while at the Oscars, or lecturing to a class in my Gap jeans, or stroking it during mass while serving as an altar boy, or hiking in my Boy Scout uniform in Texas, or sparring with hunks in my karate robes in Hawaii, or playing third base in my tight jockstrap in Atlanta or jangling loosely while jogging in my own neighborhood in Hollywood.
I think a dick is a man's best friend, truly. It keeps us occupied when we're bored. We can push our pen against it when we're at a boring meeting, lean up against a metal pole at a bus stop, watch other guys jiggle theirs while working out. Soft or hard, it's there to make you feel good.
So, that's my penis. It's no lie, not a word of it. I'm a bit red-faced and embarrassed about what I've revealed, and I may go back and delete it, but I've got this raging boner going and that's feeding my shy exhibitionist tendencies. In writing this book, I didn't want to come off as one of those writers who packs an unbelievably monstrous cock that gets up in an instant and can shoot across the room. Some of you know what's true about me, some of you are even mentioned in the stories enclosed (no real names, of course), and some of you may get to meet my penis in person, someday.
This is how I began as one of the foremost chroniclers of gay porn history. Of course, I was having sex before I got involved in the industry, as you'll see, and in some cases it was as wild as anything I've seen in this business. But, these are my humble roots, and I hope to tell you more to fill in the gaps in some future editions. The makings of a porn reporter are all here in these pages, including some snippets of my days in college, my first big stories for mainstream newspapers, some real-life celebrities I've fooled around with and my first experiences with hunks of the business. Certainly this isn't all the sex I've had during those years, I'm saving some of the highlights for later.
I've reviewed porn for a long time, and being around a lot of these huge hung hunks can't help but make me feel inadequate, but I'm happy with my dick, and I'm happy with my sex life. I've searched and obsessed about finding the perfect penis, and this book shows in vivid detail my search for dick, but it wasn't until writing this book that I truly appreciated my own.
Enjoy, read, fantasize, jack-off. But excuse me for the moment, I have to clean up.
Editor: Mickey Skee writes about the porn industry, interviews the actors, and otherwise knows where all the skeletons are located in the industry. The above story is excerpted from Hollywood Hardcore Diaries: Erotic Tales from a Porn Reporter.